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A Chain of Thoughts

OK guys, ramble alert. I have so much going on in my head right now that it only seems right to vent my thoughts to you through this little online diary of mine which is now safely known as my blog. I guess that’s one of my favourite things about having a blog, that I can just write, and you can just read. Simple yet sweet and very satisfying for me… exhale Gemma, exhale.

The truth of the matter is that I am having one of those days (weeks even) when a million thoughts are flowing through my mind every hour, minute and second, and it feels like these thoughts are multiplying and pressing against my skull with no room to move, which makes me feel like my brain IS GOING TO EXPLODE. Again, exhale Gemma.

It’s been a while since I last really updated you all and had a big discussion about my plans, my ambitions and my goals. Recently it has felt like that is all my mind can focus on and I truly cannot keep gassing on to my mum and T about all of my ideas without making them too, go crazy.

You all know me well enough by now, and I know for a fact that all of you who have taken the time to click on this non craft related link have a genuine interest in my life and just ME. I am very much an impulsive person. When I decide I want to do something, I have to JUST DO IT and I can get a little obsessed with an idea once it is in my head, but at the same time I dwell on bad decisions. What I actually want to do can change quickly, and so can my opinion on things. It’s like when you go to bed late at night pondering on an idea that you think is FANTASTIC and loose sleep thinking of your master plan and how much of a genius you are, then wake up the next morning (probably only 4 hours later by then) with cold feet about the whole idea thinking you’re an absolute fruit loop for even believing that was feasible. This is constantly how my mind is working at the moment on an hourly basis. Yes. No.Yes. No.

Can I really do that? Am I that good? Is it really possible?

By now you are all probably thinking What on earth are you babbling on about Gemma?.

Eughh, if only it was that simple to explain. The truth of the matter is, I am now sitting here at 9:45pm after a 10 hour day at work and all I want to do is VENT. (Of course, this will be published in the morning though… Good morning by the way!)

SO. Let me try to explain and at least make some attempt to seem less alien to you all. For so long now I have been racking my brain to find the PERFECT career route which can somehow incorporate and combine everything that I am somewhat good at; Crafts, interior visual merchandising, photography and blogging. Now, let’s say hypothetically that I have a solution to pursue the PERFECT career route BUT it could potentially make or break me. Literally.

This solution needs time, and time is something that I don’t come by often what with working a 40 hour contract. In other words, I would have to go part-time or take the huge gamble and go full no-job-commando! It’s a terrifying prospect BUT I truly, truly have every ounce of faith that it could work.

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Maybe now it makes a little bit more sense to you? I know, it’s confusing – hence why my mind is battling it’s own thoughts backwards and forwards constantly. I’m almost 100% certain that my brain is actually going to explode soon. Exhale.

In order to do what I aspire to do, I need freelance time. But in order to get freelance time I have to pull the chord on my regular monthly income which is my safety net. If I pull that chord, I’m on my own BUT if I’m on my own I can fully concentrate on what I aspire to do… Do you see the chain of thoughts?

I’m not going to go in to full details about exactly what it is that I am thinking of doing in this little head of mine because that deserves a whole post to itself, when the time comes. All I know is that I have a big decision to make, and it’s a gamble. I’m very happy with certain elements of my job that I am currently doing, but at the same time there is a lot of things about the role that does not suit me… This solution could and would be the journey to my ultimate goal.

MY BRAIN HAS NOW OFFICIALLY EXPLODED.

EXHALE!

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Now it’s 10:15pm and I’m probably about to go and lay in bed pondering on my thoughts and plans AGAIN. But I do feel a whole lot better for typing this all out. Thank you.

I would obviously HUGELY appreciate any advice or thoughts on this topic so you can contact me directly at thatssogemma92@gmail.com.

For now, I have to deliberate and take full consideration of all possible outcomes which truly is mind boggling. I need to keep telling my impulsive mind to take a step back and BE PATIENT. I have a dream which I know I am more than capable of and THERE ARE people out there searching for exactly what I have to offer…. Do I take this gamble?

Now Gemma, Inhale.

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