Que Sera Sera

I want to start this post by saying a huge thank you to everyone that voted for my blog for the Amara Interior Blog awards. To those who shared it, hassled their friends and friends of friends, and to all of my email contacts who took the time to vote and respond, and further to the blog teams at Laura Ashley and Hobbycraft and the PR team at Welspun for sharing my link around the offices. I really, really am thankful and appreciative to all of those who spread the word and helped me and my little blog.

Unfortunately, I did not get shortlisted. 

I’m not going to lie because after all this is my blog and I like to be honest and keep you all in the loop as much as I can, I took the news pretty badly. I wasn’t expecting to get through to the next stage, I was hopeful of course and I let my little mind get carried away on the thoughts of what it would be like to attend the awards ceremony with many inspiring big time bloggers and for one day feel like a queen. I don’t think I deserved to win any more that the shortlisted in my category, they’re all fantastic blogs, they really are. I just wanted the chance for my blog to be seen by professional blogging judges and to network with other like minded people.  I didn’t think I had a chance because my blog was popular or big enough, but I did think I had a chance because I deserved it after five solid weeks of getting the votes in, and I got a lot. I know I did.

Yes, maybe I am being a sore loser but I really don’t want to come across as ungrateful or spiteful in the slightest. I didn’t think it was going to affect me this much in all honesty. On Wednesday when I received the ‘commiserations’ email my heart sunk. All of my effort for the past five weeks felt somewhat inadequate and I felt like a failure, to which I then had to proceed with my day at a photoshoot for Ideal Home Magazine and act happy as Larry. I didn’t cry but I wanted to…again, being honest.

It’s taken me a couple of days to get my motivation back to sit here today and type out this post. It’s been a real stinker for my morale and I feel mentally drained. A friend of mine asked me ‘So, what’s the next step?’ and it took me a while to consider and figure out an answer. I just have to carry on. I have to keep pushing, I have to keep motivated and I have to keep telling myself that things will happen. I have to move on from this experience knowing that I did my best… But did I?

I responded with an email thankful for the opportunity and to wish all of the other bloggers good luck in the process, I said I was gutted but ‘may the best blog win!’. I then had a reply telling me that the numbers were so close, with just a few votes in it to win it. This did not make me feel better, even though it should of. What if I had shared my post just one more time? What if I had posted an extra photo on Instagram with a link? What if I emailed everyone for a third time asking for the votes. What if , what if, what if… I just feel poop about the whole thing and I feel like I just want to curl up under the duvet with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and wallow in my own self pity. I am so bad at loosing clearly.

When your mind is focused on one thing for a long period of time and you dedicate so much of your time and effort on something, it’s obviously going to suck if it all comes crashing down. Huge anticlimax. Stop feeling sorry for yourself GEMMA.

Rawwr.

I am going to be motivated, I am going to power through and I am GOING TO BE OK, it’s just a really sucky situation that makes your insides feel horrible and icky.

Again, a huge thank you to everyone who voted for me and for all of your support to get me to where I was… I really hope this post hasn’t been misinterpreted as ungrateful, I just want to keep you all in the loop!

I promise my next post wont be so morbid. I love you all…

xxx